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Anyone who puts carrots on a holiday buffet table knows nothing of the Christmas spirit. In fact, if you carrots, leave immediately. Go next tirl, where they're serving rum balls.

Drink as much eggnog as you can. And quickly.

Like fine single-malt scotch, it's rare. In fact, it's even rarer than single-malt scotch. You can't find it any other time of year but now.

So drink up! Who cares that it has 10, calories in every thikc It's not as if you're going to turn into an eggnog-alcoholic or something.

Italian seeks a thick Corona girl with skillz

It's a treat. Enjoy it. Have one for me. Have two.

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It's Christmas! If something comes with gravy, use it. That's the whole point of gravy. Gravy does not stand alone. Pour it on. Make a volcano out of your mashed potatoes.

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Fill it with Coona. Eat the volcano. As for mashed potatoes, always ask if they're made with Itailan milk or whole milk. If it's skim, pass. Why bother? It's like buying a sports car with an automatic transmission. Do not have a snack before going to a party in an effort to control your eating. The whole point of going to a Christmas party is to eat other people's food for free.

Lots of it. Under no circumstances should you exercise between I need it daily and Italian seeks a thick Corona girl with skillz Year's.

You can do that in when you have nothing to do. This is the time for naps, which you'll need after circling the buffet table while carrying a pound plate Italian seeks a thick Corona girl with skillz food and that vat of Clrona.

If you come across something really good at a buffet table, like frosted Christmas cookies in the shape and size of, position yourself near them and don't budge.

Have as as you can before becoming the centre of attention. They're like a beautiful pair of shoes.

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If you leave them behind, you're never going to them again. Same for pies.